Reflections on being the winner of Naked Girls Reading…/ Reflejos sobre el haber ganado Mujeres Desnudas Leyendo

 I came home the night after being a Naked Girls Reading audience member for the first time and undressed completely.  From my bookcase I chose at random and sat on the edge of my bed in front of my mirror to read aloud.  Then, I fell asleep dreaming that one day I would get the chance to sit on the couch from the other side of the table.  The opportunity came knocking last Friday and it was a Sofi Minx dream worth living.

In the days leading up to the reading I was full of nervous energy.  A co-worker who observed this shared how her father would say before her little league games, “What you feel is your body getting ready to do a good job.”  Though constantly competitive with myself, it had been a while since I had participated and anticipated a competition against others, much less one involving voting.

In fact, I had a history of dropping-out (or being pulled-out by my parents) from a number of competitions.  Take, for example, the toddler pageant the neighbors enrolled me in without telling my parents, or the coveted Televisa offer for a child soap opera role that received the cold shoulder.  In high school, I went through the motions to get on the drill team, including begging for my parents’ permission, only to decide on the night before the first practice that it wasn’t for me, much to the coach’s disappointment and accusations of lunacy from fellow dancers.  Then came Miss America…the car was loaded with gown, swim suit, talent materials, practice question flash cards…but I was empty.   I pulled-out.

Nonetheless, titles have been bestowed on me prior to this Friday, including the recurrent “Best Dancer”, the Prom night title of “Most Likely to Win the Nobel Peace Prize”, and being recognized at work conferences as “Best Dressed”.  Oh, if they only knew!

I suspect the main reason for the lack of follow-through in previous competitions had to do with feeling the outcome would be incomplete– a representation lacking agency and sincerity.  Desertion is certainly nothing to be proud of, but nailing a nude reading is definitely the bolder, more courageous way of competing I was waiting for.   I feel certain that, had I participated in those other competitions, you would not have found me at Studio L’Amour, walking out onto that couch this past Friday.  I would have become too accustomed to showing the fragments, and not the whole.  

Friday I felt completely at home, unable to easily hide anything physically, emotionally, or intellectually from the attentive listeners.  I felt sincerely true to myself as I read Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz’s ‘Satira Filosofica’ (‘Philosophical Satire’) in English and Spanish (not only because I can, but because that is how it should be done), followed by Dr. Seuss’s ‘Oh, the Places You’ll Go!’  My whole dramatic, comical, and sensual self was on genuine display.  I’m glad it resonated with the audience as much as the words I was reading had with me, alone, that night in front of my mirror.

 My thanks goes out to everyone that read and attended, both in person and in thought.  Of course, thank you to the incredible Michell L’Amour without whom none of this would be possible .

Remember, ‘Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way!’

———-

Me desnudé por completo la noche que llegué a casa después de ser, por primera vez, miembro de la audiencia de Mujeres Desnudas Leyendo (www.nakedgirlsreading.com). Escogí al azar de mi librero y me senté en la orilla de mi cama frente a mi espejo para leer en voz alta. Procedí a dormirme, so ando en el día que tendría la oportunidad de sentarme en el sofa del otro lado de la mesa. La oportunidad vino a tocar el viernes pasado y fué un sue~o de Sofi Minx que valió la pena vivir.
 
En los días previos a la lectura, estaba llena de energía nerviosa. Una compa era de trabajo me vió y compartió lo que su papá le decía de peque a antes de sus juegos, “Lo que sientes es tu cuerpo preparandose para hacer un buen trabajo.” Aunque constantemente competitiva conmigo misma, había pasado mucho tiempo desde la última vez que participé y esperé con anticipación una competencia contra otros, mucho menos una en la cual votos estaban involucrados.
 
Sin embargo, reconocimientos se me han otorgado antes del de este viernes pasado, incluyendo el recurrente, “Mejor Bailarina,” “La que mayor probabilidad tiene de ganar el Premio Nobel de la Paz,” y el ser reconocida como “Mejor Vestida” en conferencias laborales. ¡Oh, si supieran!

Yo supongo que la razón principal por la falta de participar en las competencias previas tenía que ver con el sentir que el resultado sería incompleto– una representación careciendo de libre albedrío y sinceridad. Deserción definitivamente no es algo que enorgullece, pero atinarle desnuda a una lectura definitivamente es la manera intrépida y valiente de competir del cual yo estaba en espera. Estoy segura que si hubiera participado en esas otras competencias, no me hubiera encontrado en Studio L’Amour, saliendo a sentarme en el sofa este viernes pasado. Me hubiera acostumbrado demasiado a demostrar los fragmentos, y no la totalidad.

 El viernes me sentí totalmente en casa, sin manera de fácilmente esconderme detras de nada en cuestión física, emocional o intelectual de los atentos oyentes. Sentí una sinceridad conmigo misma al leer la ‘Sátira filosófica’ de Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz en inglés y espa ol (no simplemente porque puedo, sino porque así debe de ser), seguido por ‘Oh, cuan lejos llegarás!’ (‘Oh, the Places You’ll Go!’) por Dr.Seuss. Mi ser entero: dramático, cómico y sensual, estaba en exposición genuina. Me hace feliz que haya resonado con la audiencia de la misma manera que las palabras que leí lo hicieron conmigo la noche que, sola, estaba frente a mi espejo.

Agradezco a todas las que leyeron y a todos los que asistieron, en persona o en pensamiento. Claro, doy gracias a la increíble Michell L’Amour sin quien nada de esto sería posible.

Recuerda, ‘Tu monta a te espera. ¡Anda! ¿Qué esperas?’

~ by sofiminx on September 9, 2009.

2 Responses to “Reflections on being the winner of Naked Girls Reading…/ Reflejos sobre el haber ganado Mujeres Desnudas Leyendo”

  1. [...] “So You Wanna Be a Naked Girl” blogged about her experience.  You can check it out [ HERE ].  She is definitely a naked girl to watch…speaking of:  If you want to see her again, [...]

  2. I’m very impressed on so many levels by your observations on this and your other posts. Very smart, funny, and thoughtful. Perhaps because of my own current interests, an especially interesting theme in your posts that jumped out at me was the concept of “performance.” If it weren’t so late and my energy were higher, I’d reveal a bit more what I mean. Suffice to say, your posts made me think and smile; thanks for sharing.

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